The Problem with Stocks

Ask a human Alexa about Stocks

by Alexa Loftus 1 MINUTE READ

Dear Human Alexa,

I’m a millennial and I can’t afford to buy property. What else should I invest in? Best,

If Only I Was Middle-Aged in the 1980s

Dear If Only,

I’ve been watching Antiques Roadshow long enough to know that if you’re gonna build wealth over time, you need to start buying furniture from the 1800s, preferably made in coastal Maine. Also, it’s incredibly important to get your hands on a big jug made by a largely unknown folk artist. You know what’s great for that? A time machine (if you have one). If not, I think you know what I’m about to say next: You need to start grave robbing. Much like the stock market, grave robbing is high risk, high reward. You may make some enemies, but at least you’ll get to see some old bones and get cursed by a grave hag!


Human Alexa

Alexa Loftus is from a small town in Southern Illinois, where her favorite store growing up was a video store slash tanning salon that was somehow circus themed. You can follow Alexa on Twitter and Instagram.