The Problem with Stocks
Heck Yeah, I Invest
It may seem like everyone is always winning when it comes to investing, but who among us hasn’t wasted time and effort on something that didn’t yield worthwhile results. Here are a few investment busts the writers have made over the years:
1. Titanic box set on VHS
2. Autographed Matchbox Twenty Compact Disc
3. Plaque of the 50 state quarters – NO ONE asks to see it
4. Woke Mob T-shirt
5. OJ Simpson Rookie Card
6. Improv classes – Lorne never came to the shows :/
7. A steamer trunk of bubble-wrapped Precious Moments dolls
8. Phone banking in the 2016 election — yes, I went to Javits that night 🙁
9. Old comic books that “accidentally” had racist stuff in them
10. My college boyfriend Garrett — emotional intelligence of a hamster, God bless him
The moral of the story is, please don’t ask us about stocks, NFTs, crypto wallets, or real estate. We are dumb.
Tocarra Mallard is a stand-up comedian and storyteller. She was born in Germany, then moved to Alaska and Oklahoma, finally landing in Florida, because, yes, she is a military brat. You can follow Tocarra on Twitter or Instagram.