THE SADDEST PUNCHLINES BY KRIS ACIMOVIC

The saddest punchlines

By Kris Acimovic

Since the government won’t do more to regulate guns or really do anything to help us die less from gun violence … what other solutions are there? The writers were asked to pitch some ideas for the script, and here are some of the most depressing ones we came up with:

Paint yourself like a grenade. No one will shoot a grenade.

Be nice to people who you think could become serial killers.

Cover your body in lard so the bullets slide off.

Never leave your home. (Not helpful, turns out!)

Offer a buy-back program that gets you more social media followers.

Live in a hole. (Honestly, tempting!)

Only go out with your slowest and most expendable friends. (Sry Doug)

ALWAYS walk in a zigzag pattern. (This one made the script) 🙁